I can’t imagine it’s easy to be close to someone who has lost their child, it’s certainly not easy being around me, just look at who’s stuck by me… next to no one. You’re not sure what to say or do, and to be perfectly honest, we don’t either. Nothing REALLY helps, the only thing that would help, the only thing the parent of an angel wants is their baby back in their arms.
I found this on a SIDS support page on Facebook:
1. Listen to my story, I need to tell it over and over again in order to heal.
2. Tolerate my pain, don't try to fix it, you can't. Just be with me while I am in pain.
3. Tolerate my poor memory. At times my brain feels like a mass of disconnected facts that are all being short-circuited.
4. Don't forget my child. I want to hear my child's name spoken. Share your memories of my child with me. It may make me cry, but will bring me joy forever. We will NEVER forget, we don’t want others too either.
5. Understand that I will never be the same person I was before my child died. My world has changed and I have changed. Accept my new identity.
That last one’s my favorite and probably the most important in my opinion. I am a completely different person. My highs are middling at best and my lows take me into the very depths of hell. My brain doesn’t stop thinking and analyzing and wondering, and sometimes with all of that going on, I cannot do anything else. I can’t smile, or watch a movie, or pay attention to anything longer than 20 minutes. I feel permanently damaged, like a broken mirror, you could glue it back together but there will always be cracks, it will never really be whole and perfect again…I will never be whole again.
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