When I was younger (10-ish) my mom used to say “You look
like you lost your best friend!” when I was sad. I always hated that saying, I’m
not sure why, maybe because it was said a lot? But now I feel like I have truly
lost my best friend. We haven’t seen or spoken to each other in weeks, and any
interaction we have had has been on Facebook, apparently liking a picture or a
post is much easier than taking those same two seconds to text me a simple “Hey”.
The rift is my fault, I know that, I gladly accept the
blame; I KNOW I WAS WRONG! But how long am I supposed to try? I’ve tried
everything I can think of and… nothing. I get a “Like” on the cute best friend
pictures I post on her wall, I get “got it :-)” when I texted to say I got a
new number, my requests to hang out get ignored. We’re supposed to be best
friends, we need each other, and I just can’t deal with getting hurt by her. I
suppose it’s kind of like my mom, how many times can you reach out just to get
pushed away again? Short of kidnapping her, tying her up, and making her talk
to me (promise this is a joke)… I have no clue what to do!
Her mom passed away recently, and I was selfish. I let all
my problems get under my skin; I had a complete meltdown getting ready for her
mother’s memorial. Then one more problem occurred and I said screw it, I made
my husband text her, and I went to bed. I realize how awful this was, but I don’t
have a re-do button; I can’t do it over again and be the friend I should’ve
been. All I can do is try to fix it, but it can’t be one-sided and that’s what
I feel my efforts are. Relationships (whether they’re friendships or romantic
relationships) are all about give and take, meeting people halfway, and both
people being willing to put in the effort; things will never work with one
person putting in more effort than the other. I’m just at my wit’s end and having
people fade from my life seems natural now, how horrible is that?
And I want to publicly thank my husband for being so
wonderful to me today (and every day!) and making me happy during a REALLY bad
day. I love you and don’t know what I’d do without you! XOXO
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