Patience Is A Virtue... Damn, I Wish I Was More Virtuous

I’ve been wondering what if these first 8 intensive weeks of Vitex and everything else I’m taking don’t work, what’s my next step? I suppose that the next step should be temping and ovulation tests. It’s little overwhelming, especially since Ayden was a surprise. He was a wonderful, amazing surprise…but a surprise he was. Taking 6 different pills, two of them twice a day, is surreal enough for me. Don’t misunderstand I realize how difficult conceiving with PCOS can be; I understand the stress, the physical and emotional toll it takes and the desperate desire to be a parent. I just don’t want to be TTC anymore, I want to be pregnant (if you couldn’t tell, patience is not my forte). I just want to have a baby so bad, to help fill my empty arms, to help keep me from diving head first into the huge hole in my heart, to be able to experience everything I should’ve with Ayden. I realize being pregnant and having another baby is going to be extremely hard but at the same time I need it. I need to fill in this hole. I know Ayden is irreplaceable but I’m pretty sure having his little sister or brother will make the pain more bearable; surely it’s better to grieve with half-full arms as opposed to empty ones.